A View From Distant Shores.

I wrote an Email to my friend Azzy, but I felt the need to share part of it with the world. Here it is.

Amber went home for two weeks and I essentially became a monk for that time. I stayed off of the computer for pretty much the entire two weeks and spent most of my free time getting reacquainted with God. I have not prayed nor read my Bible consistently since I was in college. I've felt the need to start again.

It was a good two weeks, but I was surprised to see how much I've changed in terms of relating to God. I'm far more aware of how inadequate and frail I am. As a result I think I'm a bit more humble and hopefully more malleable. I also find that while I may still disagree with some things that God has done and may be doing in my life, I am far more willing to obey. Some days I am confident I will be okay. Other days I'm sure I should be on an express elevator to hell. As I've said, I have struggled with some of my own inner darkness for years. I've come to accept it as a part of me, and largely find positive outlets for it; but it's still darkness. I think that's okay though.

Re-reading the Bible, I can see some of God's darker nature as well. Not evil, just aggressive and ruthless. He knows what He wants, He knows that some people will have to suffer in order for Him to get it. He proceeds anyway. What He does do, that I respect greatly, is take responsibility for it. I see the cross as just that, now. God makes salvation easy just for that reason. (All we have to do is believe in Christ and do our best; there is no mandate for obtaining perfection or enlightenment, just doing our best and not quitting.) He also came down here and suffered both with us and for us. In the case of Christ that is readily evident. In the case of the Holy Spirit, the suffering is less evident; but I believe it is there.

To put this in context I think I need to share how I kind of view the world now. A few years ago I came to the conclusion that God is trying to create a perfect world. In my view, the only way to accomplish this is to fill a world with loving and relatively unselfish people. God tried twice creating worlds with perfect conditions. The first time a full third of the population rebelled and started a civil war that rages to this day. The second time, 100% of the population rebelled, and there was only one rule: "Don't eat from this one tree."

I think that's why God's biggest commandments are to love Him, and to love each other as we love ourselves. If you love Him, you respect Him and His wishes. This includes following His rules, most of which (especially in regards to carnal rules) are just medically and psychologically sound advice anyway. If you love yourself, you respect yourself and take care of yourself. (I think this is where most of us fall short. We don't respect ourselves. We tend to indulge in things that we would protect our children or others from, whether its some minor carnal delight or worse; harmful attitudes. I tended towards self-pity in college and in the intervening years. It took a few years of working with troubled kids and realizing I was maintaining many of the attitudes that these juvenile delinquents were harboring. I was also starting to see where those attitudes would lead. I think that began my road to repentance.) If we love others, we respect them and treat them well.

If you can populate a world with people who are willing to follow guidelines for healthy physical, emotional, and social living, who respect themselves, discipline themselves, and are able to admit to their mistakes, and who respect and care for others; it doesn't matter what the conditions are. That world will eventually become a utopia because of the people in it. The trick is finding those people. I think that is the purpose of this life. We choose whether or not we will be one of those people.

I do need to say that I don't envision utopia as a place that is filled with people who are happy and singing all the time. (I would have to kill them all, especially if they are singing before noon while I am trying to sleep.) I envision it as a world filled with people who really do care about each other, and do their best to look out for each other. We each give a little and get a little. We all sacrifice for the greater good. (This means I keep a lot of what I think and feel to myself, and I do what I know is right or good or kind even if I don't feel like it. In return people do what is right and good and kind for me. It means I try to want for people instead of wanting from people. To me that is huge and difficult. I try to balance it with a philosophy I learned from Chris called intelligent self-interest. I do nice things for others because I will want them to be pre-disposed to do nice things for me. I also obey God because He is bigger than me and everybody else.)

Anyway, I base a lot of this on God outright stating that this world is a process of sorting the wheat from the chaff, the lambs from the goats. He makes lambhood easy; care for others and hang in there. (It's the hanging in there part that is difficult, especially when you've had to struggle for a few years. That's where the poem So this is Faith came from. It's on my myspace. I don't know if you've read it.)

Of course I may be entirely off base with this.

How many 5 year olds could you take in a fight.

My friend Ouph posted this on her blog, and my wife directed me to it.  I can take twice as many five year-olds as they can.

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The American Church

I was recently riding around Springfield with my wife and noticed new construction on a mega-church on the North end of town. I'm not sure what the church is called, or what denomination it belongs to, but it is a large and impressive building. I'm certain that it runs somewhere in the $5-$10 million range.

I don't recall quite how, but this led to a discussion about why the Church in America is failing.

A part of it is popular image. We are seen as a bunch of rabid and unthinking protesters who are opposed to progress. In some instances this is true. (It was kind of stupid to buy thousands of copies of Harry Potter books just to burn them. Not only did this boost Rowlings book sales and media attention, it put us in the same category of other great book burners, such as (just a name at random here) Hitler and his Nazis. That really helped the popular image of Christianity.

The other, more serious reason, is that we fail to perform everyday ministry. The way I see it, the Church is kind of missing some obvious opportunities to reach out and help. For instance, in the city of Springfield, there is one minister who seems to focus his attention on helping the homeless. His efforts are largely opposed by the city because he hasn't been able to provide adequate security in the facilities he's trying to open, which has raised concerns about the safety of school children in the surrounding neighborhoods. Providing round the clock security costs money. I can't help but wonder what this man could accomplish with an influx of $5-$10 million dollars and some sound financial advising. And I can't help but ask if Springfield really needs another church, let alone another mega-church.

Another example that comes to mind are Springfield's various food pantries. There have been at least half a dozen news stories about how many of these pantries are running out of food and supplies. Again, what could they do with $5-$10 million dollars. Honestly, $500,000 dollars would be more than enough for quite a while for many of them.

Then there is the current fuel crisis. The cost of fuel is driving up the cost of living, as we all know. This is making things extremely difficult, if not impossible, for a lot of the nation's low income families. This makes people desperate. Desperate people do desperate things. As such, it's really no wonder that there has been a dramatic increase in violent crime in Springfield. I'm not a social engineer, but I can't help but wonder what sort of relief could be provided with $5-$10 million dollars and a good financial plan to make it last.

I know there are some pretty obvious counter arguments to what I'm saying, based on economics and politics. I know that Christians are the ones to show up in any real numbers to help out at disasters. We are generally very giving and helpful people. It's a part of the nature of Christ in us. I'm just saying we are missing some obvious needs, and some obvious opportunities on the home front.

I think the Church in America has had the wrong focus for quite a while. We've been trying to fight the dragon in Washington, while ignoring the snakes in the cradle at home. Among the middle class, the American church is emptying out. Kids are growing up in church without developing a relationship with Christ, and then are leaving the church as adults.

Bethany provided a great example as to why, as well. If a youth pastor is handing out Jell-O shots to a group of kids (college age or not) as a part of a church function, I can't say I'm surprised these kids don't really know Christ.

I know this is just one example, and it's probably extreme; but I think it's indicative of what's wrong in the Church. We don't treat God as Holy anymore, and we don't view the things of God as sacred anymore. I'm guilty of this as well.

I know God walks and lives with us in the everyday world. (I got dirty looks from Charity last night for saying God plays Halo, but that's okay.) Many of my favorite experiences with God haven't happened anywhere near a church. The only place I've shared the gospel with anyone in the last ten years has been at work. I'm not sure how effective I was, but I did share the gospel with nearly every kid I worked with, until my last year at LRH. Then I spent quite a bit of time just fellowshipping with and praying for my co-workers (and doing a lot of acupressure, which is also sharing the love of God.) For most of my time at LRH, I wasn't able to attend church regularly, and our weekly prayer/Halo parties was the only Christian fellowship I got (thusly, God plays Halo, or at least comes to Halo parties.) As such I've become rather comfortable with God in the everyday, and I probably don't fear/revere Him as much as I should. In fact, I skipped church this morning because I woke up late and didn't have clean clothes. Ten years ago I would have stayed up all night to finish my laundry and wouldn't have considered skipping church despite being exhausted (though Hanna, Becca, and Amber all wished I would have. Sorry for being such a bear, and thank you for being such good friends.)


All of that to say this: I need to take advantage of the everyday opportunities to serve God and minister to those around me, and I need to fear God a little more. (He is bigger than me, after all.)

Forbidden

I was trying to post on the Omegabrethren website, but I kept getting a "forbidden" error message. Apparently I am not allowed to post over there any more. So sad.

Finally Getting my 360.

I am finally getting my xbox 360. Several people have asked me to post a list of games that I want, so here goes:

Obviously the top 3 are:
Halo 3
Elder Scrolls of Oblivion 4 Game of the Year Edition
Mass Effect

The some of the rest, off the top of my head, and in no particular order:

Assassin's Creed (Got it)
Star Wars the Force Unleashed (not out yet)
Lego Star Wars, the complete saga
Perfect Dark Zero (Got it)
Dead Rising
Marvel Ultimate Alliance
Soul Caliber
Burnout (I forget which on they are on)
Viva Pinata (Got it)
Half Life 2: The Orange Box (for the cake.)
Tenchu Z
Ninja Gaiden 2 (not available yet.)

The Lion of Judah

I've been giving some thought to the nature of God recently.  It has a lot to do with how I relate to God, and how He relates to me.  This comes from recent struggles with various aspects of my own dark nature; be it my own sinfulness, my cynical outlook, or my rather violent proclivities.  I realize, that to a large extent, I am an animal.  Granted, I've been house broken, but I am an animal.  The same can be said for many people, but men in particular.  

We have violent or aggressive natures.  We are capable of great savagery, and some of our base instincts towards interpersonal conflict resolution involve blood letting.  Or maybe that's just me.  We establish ourselves by playing various versions of "I'm bigger than you", whether it's through physical displays, economic displays, psychological intimidation, or even in the games we play.  All of these are very beastial behaviours, some just have more "civilized" polish to them.

As I thought about these things, I also thought about some of the ways in which God described Himself.  I think He very deliberately called Himself the "Lion" of Judah.  The Lion is revered as the king of beasts.  An alpha lion establishes dominance over it's pride by playing a very brutal game of "I'm bigger than you", and then subjugates or banishes any would be contenders.  When Job brought charges against God, He replied with several chapters worth of "I'm bigger than you."  The Word very specifically declares God's sovereignty over all; not just by right but by power.  Even the Adversary admits that God gave him his authority when he tempted Jesus.  He didn't boast that he stole or took anything.  He said God gave it to him.  That clearly indicates that God also limits his and everyone else's authority.  (This also implies that things are running the way God intended for them to, but that's another blog.)

For me, what this boils down to is that God understands my darker nature, my beastial self.  What's more, He not only understands it, but He can easily subjugate it.  He's also not afraid to get his paws bloody in order to do it.  This is of great comfort to me in the midst of some of my struggles.

I must also give praise that I am currently less tempted towards, shall we say "helping various medical professionals take much needed vacations to unknown tropcial locations via the Bermuda Triangle" now that I am no longer in "purgatory."

Until later, I leave with my favorite poem by John Donne

Holy Sonnet XIV: Batter My Heart

Batter my heart, three-personed God, for you
As yet but knock, breathe, shine, and seek to mend;
That I may rise, and stand, o'erthrow me, and bend
Your force to break, blow, burn, and make me new.
I, like an usurped town, to another due,
Labour to admit you, but Oh, to no end.
Reason, your viceroy in me, me should defend,
But is captived, and proves weak or untrue.
Yet dearly I love you, and would be loved fain,
But am betrothed unto your enemy:
Divorce me, untie or break that knot again,
Take me to you, imprison me, for I,
Except you enthrall me, never shall be free,
Nor ever chaste, except you ravish me.

First Blog

This is merely a sample blog. My thoughts, feelings, insights, rants, raves, and etc. are yet to come.